Attractions To Enablers

Since our passivity predates our conception and our enemy specifically targeting us in it, it is no wonder why we have set it as our default reaction.

Looking back at my life, I was able to find many instances in my life dating back to a young boy where a wound had occurred and Satan was right there to exacerbate the situation into passivity and other problems for me.

Evaluating my life (an occupational hazard of being a counselor), I found areas where I had manipulated people or situations for my own selfish safety, I developed relationships as a way of continuing my passivity, and I married an enabler. She too is the product of her upbringing and catering to other passive men. Either my wife would instinctively take charge and perform duties I am capable of or I would somehow become obscure enough or manipulate it to where she would perform the task. I’ve seen many clients were a passive man is married to an enabling woman. The question becomes: which came first, the passive man or the enabling woman? Unfortunately, it will have to go unanswered.

Many passive men and their enabling spouses have been the thread of abuse in the woman’s life, usually sexual in nature. This abuse tends to lead the woman to need to be in control of her surroundings in order to feel safe. Whether the abused woman emits some sort of attractant or signal that she has this in her background, but a man struggling with passivity can sense it a mile away and is drawn to the safe rescue of the woman. Likewise, the abused woman can sense the safety the passive man offers as he willingly gives up control in order to win her heart. As the relationship grows and matures, the control is solidified with the woman. Problems arise when she gains freedom and healing from her abuse or when she recognizes the root of her controlling desires.